Another Day Without

It is getting easier!  I woke up feeling great and well rested.   My face is losing it's puffiness.  My stomach is starting to fell better.  But then it got harder.

My husband and I headed to town for dinner.   As we were walking to the restaurant my wine cravings were all consuming.   We walked in and the first thing the waitress said was "all bottles of wine are 50% off tonight!".   My husband smiled and asked if I wanted to split a bottle.   I told him no, that I wasn't drinking and he said, "Still? How long are you going to keep this up? ".

Then we really talked about my addiction.   Of course he is well aware of the problem, and he has always been supportive, but in his mind all I need is to take some time off drinking and then start back up slowly.   I told him I knew I wasn't ready to try that as I was sure that I would want to polish off that whole bottle of wine if he ordered it.  How ironic.   I don't think he is ready for me to stop drinking.   He is not a big drinker, but when the occasion calls for it, that alcoholic beverage is a key element for him, I think mostly for ambiance.   Last night though he was happy with his beer.  As soon as we got our food my cravings subsided.   It helped talking to him about it too.  It doesn't bother me when he drinks beer.   I don't like beer, so no triggers there.   I couldn't help but notice though how slowly the couple next to us was sipping their wine.  It was painful for me to watch.   I could never have done that!

From all that I have read and learned over the years, I know that this has to be forever.  But like Prince says in the song Let's Go Crazy, "It means forever and thats a mighty long time! "  That is an overwhelming concept for me right now, so I plan to take it one day at a time.   In the last few days I  have read three memoirs written by women with alcohol addiction.   All of them had a lower bottom than me, which gives me pause.   Hmmmm maybe I wasn't so bad after all.  Funny, all of them had that same thought time and again.  I enjoyed and would recommend.   So many parts of their stories sounded just like me, it was easy to relate to what they were saying.  So, as I learned from my most recent reads, here is what I am going to keep reminding myself.

For today I will not drink (Bottled: A Mom's Guide to Early Recovery, by Dana Bowman)

Get up, get dressed and get with the program  (Girl Walks Out of a Bar: A Memoir, by Lisa F. Smith)

It is a lot harder to get sober than it is to stay sober.   Don't keep doing the hard part over and over again!  (Between Breaths: A Memoir of Panic and Addiction, by Elizabeth Vargas)