A Beautiful Mountain Lake

It was easier yesterday.   I felt better physically.   I do feel very blue though and I am getting irritated so easily!    My husband can just begin a sentence and I find I am irritated even before I know what he is going to say....."Did you?, Can we?, Where is?".  The worst was, "What's wrong?  Why so pensive?  Is it the wine thing?".  I nodded yes and hoped he would go away.  He is trying so hard to give me space while I work through this.   I know I am so fortunate that he is so supportive but no matter how hard he tries to understand, he just can't.   He doesn't understand why I have to stop drinking entirely.   I am a very disciplined person.   He thinks I should be able to set a limit and stick with it.  I just haven't tried hard enough.  He DOES trust me though and he knows he doesn't get it.   He knows I need to stop entirely because I say I do.  He doesn't know everything though.   He doesn't know how much wine I was sneaking these last few months.   I am too embarrassed to tell him.  He did tell me yesterday he was proud of me.   Even that irritated me! Ha!

We are at our mountain home in Western North Carolina.  Late yesterday afternoon my husband, dog, 17 year old daughter and I went out on our boat for a cruise before dinner.  The weather was beautiful, the leaves were spectacular.  It was so serene.   Normally I'd have packed up some wine and appetizers for our cruise.  All I kept thinking was how this was no fun without a glass of wine in my hand.  I couldn't wait to get off the boat yesterday.  It made me sad how important that wine was to me to make that beautiful boat ride enjoyable.

Next time I will pack some snacks and drinks for all, but yesterday I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Too hard.   I am hoping that next time I will be in a better frame of mind.  I will keep it non-alcoholic for me, and hopefully that Wine Bitch will keep quiet!

I am off for a good workout and then this afternoon I will continue to obsess over my choice to stop drinking, UGH.  I guess I have to obsess over something since I am not obsessing over how I will get my fill of VINO today.

Neinwine