Friends and Lovers

All is well.   These last few days have actually been a little bit of a relief.   Since I know I will not be drinking I am not obsessing about which nights I will allow myself to drink and how I will make it through the nights without the vino.  Now I can just get on with not drinking.   Very black and white. No negotiating needed.

I always find myself puzzling about WHY alcohol is so different for me than it is for my husband and others.  Here is how I have been thinking about it lately.   My hubby is "friends" with alcohol.   He enjoys a beer or glass of wine, but one or two is enough.  For him it seems that alcohol is part of the whole experience (i.e. out to dinner with friends, we have a drink, good food, good conversation).   Me and alcohol, we have had a love affair for years, often we met in private.   I can't go back to being just friends.   It isn't possible.   I need to stay away entirely or I will get sucked back into that secret love affair.  For me the priority of the evening was alcohol.  Did I need to preload?  How many glasses could I order without looking like a lush? etc. etc.   I have to "break up" with the alcohol so that I can get back to focus on the people and experiences that really matter.   Alcohol robs me of that and makes me feel lousy about myself too.  I am done with alcohol and its manipulative ways.  I want nothing to do with it!  I am going to stay strong!

Neinwine