Six Days Alcohol Free

Congrats to me!

Rarely a night went by that I didn't have a few glasses  of wine.  I have an off switch when it comes to alcohol, but over time it would take more and more drinks before that switch was flipped.

This isn't the first time I have stopped drinking.  The first time was about 10 years ago.  I had kept my drinking a secret from just about everyone.  I drank in the late afternoons when the kids were busy with after school activities and my husband was at work.   I can't remember how it got to the point where I was drinking every day.   I do remember that a friend of mine drank like I did and we would often chat on the phone in the late afternoons as we sipped our wine while discussing the latest episode of Oprah or the most recent drama at the fitness center.  It seemed harmless enough. 

I outed myself when I was regularly drinking 1.5 bottles of wine a day and I couldn't stop.   I asked my husband for help (I was shocked to learn that he was clueless-I thought everyone knew my secret), I asked my pastor and his wife, one of my very best friends for help.   I was scared and I didn't know how to stop.   With their love and support I did stop - for about three months.

By then I was feeling so much better and back in control of my life.   I decided to ease back into drinking, just a few glasses a week was all I would allow myself.   I bet you know how that story goes.   Slowly but surely I began working my way back up to that old 1.5 bottles a day.

I called it quits again, and again, and again. I tried to control my drinking again and again and again.  I tried all kinds of rules.  Only on the weekend.   Never more than two glasses a night.  Each time it would take months before my drinking levels and frequency would increase to the point where it would set off the alarm bells in my head.  

This time is different.   This time I know I can't moderate my drinking.   It is not an option for me.   Wish me luck.   The first couple of days weren't too bad, just the wine o'clock cravings.   The last couple of days were extremely hard.   I feel like I am muscling through this, white knuckling it.   I am obsessed with thoughts of drinking, not drinking, how'd this happen etc.  I am obsessed with doing research and with reading about others in similar situations.   I have been so tired and not sleeping well.   My stomach is hurting, I am constipated and my head hurts.   I wake up feeling like I was hit by a truck, which is frustrating because when I was drinking I woke up feeling fine!   From all of the reading I have done I know this is normal and I know I will get through these very difficult days.  This morning I told my husband I was stopping, again.   He knows the drill now.   I have his love and support, again.   I am a lucky girl to have him.   I am also fortunate that I have a High Bottom.   I would like to keep it that way.  I have read enough stories to know how bad things could become.

Which brings me to why I am writing this blog.   I also know I need a network of people like me to get through this and to stay on track.  People who understand what I am going through and who will hold me accountable.     I know that blogging will help and I can go back and re-read this on those days when I feel the strong urge to drink.

My blogger hero is Mummy was a Secret Drinker.   Last time I tried to stop drinking was about the same time that she stopped.  Even though I slipped and started drinking again I never stopped reading her blog or her book recommendations.   I feel so much better equipped with knowledge and with experience this time around.

Thanks for listening and wish me luck!

Neinwine